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On 2013-12-08, at 4:33 PM, He wrote:

……

The gov't absolutely slashed the national archives budget. They are not taking in new archives; they don't have the staff to even deal with what they have. They are putting serious cash into this recent propaganda institution. Same as with what they did with the other one. Of course, it's a political discussion, and it's much harder to control history when historians have ready access to full archives of interesting canadians. 

And I obviously agree that academe is far from perfect in a curatorial role, but I rather engage with concrete solutions, and while it may not be ideal, it's better than being run by the Heritage minister.. I'm sorry, girl, but I find theoretical discussions, which provide critiques don't propose any solutions, rather taxing on my patience of late.

On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 4:38 PM, She wrote: 

do I tax your patience? 

On 2013-12-08, at 4:43 PM, He wrote:

I am absolutely elated to be out of academy, and perhaps some day I can re-engage with ideas for idea's sake, but I am so far from there right now. 

On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 4:47 PM, She wrote:

if you’re not emotionally available, and you can’t stand listening to my thoughts... all that is left is sex

On 2013-12-08, at 4:52 PM, He wrote:

so let's just take a break then.

I'll always be happy to run into you, and won't shy away from sending you interesting tidbits, and I hope you would do the same. It's wonderful that you have the opportunity to be able to critically engage with these important issues, but school by the end nearly killed my intellectual curiosity, and at its most theoretical, it triggers all sorts of bad memories. 

On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 5:06 PM, She wrote:

I read that as you don't see any role for me in your life, as a confidant, lover, peer or otherwise? That there is no need or room, for me? When you use the word 'break', do you mean that at some point you'd like to return to our friendship, however qualified?

On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 5:20 PM, He wrote:

we've already established I'm completely incapable in providing you with any semblance of emotional support, you are triggering right now all sorts of latent resentment for certain aspects of the academic project (one day, I'll be able to re-engage, but right now, it's really getting a rise out of me), and I just don't think we should continue a sexual relationship with these serious impediments to the formation of a healthy relationship, built on mutual trust and respect, no matter how much I appreciate our sex. You should be with someone who doesn't have such visceral reactions to the above. 

Part of it is clearly a rather stubborn, albeit latent, refusal on my part to devote myself to another person right now (and it pains and guilts me to act like this in the face of your boundless amounts of generosity and kindness in my regard, but I find myself absolutely unable to reciprocate it). However, I also must think that if this felt more right, I'd be less of an unqualified jerk. Something is not right, even if I can't put my finger on it. I don't want to treat you, or anyone, like this. I want to be able to give myself to someone as unselfishly as you have been able to with me. I envy your ability to do so, all the more, in the face of the challenges you have faced in the past.  

Ideally, I'd love nothing more for us to be civil with one another moving forward, to not shy away from each other when we run into each other, and to be able to send each other stuff, or even debate ideas (I'm brimming with interest in debating remedies to problems!!!), if the impulse arises. I'm sorry I can't offer you what you deserve. 

On 2013-12-08, at 5:34 PM She wrote: 

I am glad clarity has arrived for you.