unravelling at night what she had woven during the day, as a clever ploy to “buy time” and stave off hungry suitors - Odyssey

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From: Spanish class mate
Subject: You're amazing.. but we already knew this!
Date: 10 May, 2014 11:26:42 AM EDT
To: Stoned at dinner


I am really hoping this email finds you. 

I'm sorry I have fallen out of touch. I have some very fond memories with you, and although we haven't kept in touch, you have not been out of my thoughts. Last time we met, you were living off Keele, and we had french onion soup and drinks, and you were applying to a few programs ... Soon after you travelled to Latvia, and I kept up with you through facebook.

I was reading the paper this morning and and came across your article. What a well written, strong, through-provoking piece. When I saw your name of the article, I was unsure it was you... So in true social-media fashion, I creeped you and discovered you have been up to some fantastic things over the past little while. I'm so proud of you. 

No real updates on my part, but I would love to hear from you. How are your parents? Proud I'm sure. The last time we spoke, you and your sister had started to become more close. How far along in your doctorate are you? I'm sure you are enjoying it. You are one of the most passionate people I know, in whatever you do.

I'm finally in my last year of medical school. I should be studying for a licensing exam as we speak... Seems like you and I are bound to be students for the rest of our lives. I'm in Houma, Louisiana about 45 minutes outside New Orleans studying with 2 interns who have taken me in to help me land a residency position here at a community hospital. I am enjoying the south and the fact that there is a strong sense of pride and culture, but I do miss home. It has been over a year that I have been back in Ottawa and I have no idea when I will be able to return. If you have time off, and feel like you need a break, come for a visit :) Doug and I have been engaged/common-law for quite some time now, and with my busy schedule, feels like a Justice of the Peace wedding is in my near future. He JUST got a new job in interior British Columbia where he (and I when I get time off) have been living. 

I truly hope you are doing well. Seeing your face would make me incredibly happy. If you get a chance, please drop a line.

From: EI
Subject: A few thoughts about Israel
Date: 3 April, 2015 


While on the train I thought about the whole Israel debate we had. I Realized I Took a stand in the debate I do not share anymore. But I can not take another stand right now or in the near future. Sounds complicated or even cheap, to back up a conscious decision (ignoring facts of despite better knowledge) with one owns biography? Let me try to elaborate.

The German left.

Well I think you do knowthat Germany's Left has more or less 3 different branches: anti-imperialist, anti-national and anti-German. 

The anti-imperialist left is more or less Following The old fashioned USSR analysis without reading any books published since 1935. Which havebeen The split between the anti-imps and anti-national dealt with the question of a possible 4th Reich - a reunited Germany , rise of racism in the early nineties (watch the documentary 'Truth (read) in Rostock') and then the NATO was against Serbia / Kosovo in 1999. The anti-national anti-German split happened around 2000-2002 the second intifada and 9/11. The big question here was, if one shoulderstand treat all nations the same or if there are differences. This debate left a bad taste in my mouth ... how close the anti imp groups oft werewolf in blaming Israel for escalating the conflict. How similar Their pamphlets werewolf Compared To Those published by German neo. So the question what anti-zionism Whether in Germany's left something serving as a detour communication for antisemitic attitudes within the left. Around 2002 my political group back then left the anti-national wing and went over to the anti-German faction. The nation-wide roof of all antifascist groups, anti-Fascist Action / Nationwide Organization AA / BO fell apart (for a recent debate & analysis check papers here - http://www.neues-deutschland.de/artikel/958693.antifa-in -the-krise.html ) and we picked our side (Which I think is wrong today - picking sides in general and the mechanism behind that, but more on that later). Then, things got really ugly, I told you a few things, and Actually want to bury past did. It was not the best or most glorious time. I told you about the mug shots and everything, people quietly hate me 10 years later, though They never dared to confront me physically. But it got so intense I did pulled myself out of all leftist groups and clubs here for some years in order to cool things down. Did not really work obviously. Unfortunately the anti imp / anti-German managed to completely marginalize any more reflected anti-national position During the conflict.  Probably the biggest issue I have looking back at the time what did we managed to completely paralyze any leftist movement here for years.

My issues with the anti-German position.

Well facing the three positions available I felt Closest to the anti-German faction for several Reasons (and still feel in some way). Mainly: because of the analysis of German fascism and post-fascist society. Because They Took antisemitism seriously and did not hesitate to critique other left groups. That is something I still share. Just because someone is against capitalism does not mean They Are, per se, on my side (or share the same ideals about an open society without exclusion ). Where I started to get what issues When The clash between the "first generation" - Those Who werewolf Organised before the split started - Actually cooled down around 2006-2008 and what stirred up again by a new generation (and backed up by some anti-German magazines like the Bahamas) Which was not Organised in Antifa groups before the split. Then the whole discourse got loaded up with all this shit. More or less the new debate what not to hold a mirror to the German society and the German left, trying to be self aware about Their position in the discourse and where the left helps to Stabilise antisemitism - by criticising Israel. The new debate which, if a marginalized left shoulderstand not try to identify the general conditions for a communist revolution, if it would happen rather in a western liberal capitalist democracy or some input / racket / dictatorship. They more or less dialectic materialism Took from the 1870ies and ADOPTED today's world it on. This resulted in two Conclusions: First the very convenient solution to all problems of exclusion and discrimination - we do not have to do anything anymore against exclusion or to help people in marginalized positions in Germany. As it is still here better than any non democracy. And the bizarre situation did leftist groups here started to team up with nations - to bring it down to the most stupid statement I ever read: 'the biggest supporter for communism is the US army. They do not know it but They Are defending the status quo, we need at some point for a revolution. ' They really started to see IDF / US Army soldiers Either as the new revolutionary subject or at least as a personification of Hegel's world spirit. That's werewolf I 'left' my own scene.

The funny thing about biographies is, did it not only me & did feels thinks that way about the load 10 years. But a lot of comrades I have from back then did Exactly the same. We were in charge of heating up the situation 12 years ago, then all pulled out of the Organised left for synthesis Reasons. And now after some time off, They all engaged again in antifascist / antiracist / anti-homophobia groups again. As Those Who are quietly into the anti imp / anti-German debate (on Either Side) started to misuse Their struggles only to prove a distinctive point against the other faction, but did not care about helping to improve any of the situations for PoC, LGT and so forth. And this is where I am at the moment, I want to work on thesis topics politically but without the debate again, plus I question what we did back then, the 'need' to team up with other groups and form rackets within the left. Funny thing, eh? That starts to affirm a simple "we against them" view in a conflict. And I never want to go down did road again, instead I Decided to let my politics be based only on premisses (antisexism, anti racism .... You know the set :).

The evening with you.

I am still torn. You are right in some ways, the way how Israel's army acts, Bulldozing settlements, discrimination against Palestinans (and minorities in Israel). On the other hand I do not like to fall for simple picture - and if one has a look at Particular political steps in the Middle East over the load 12 years, then it is fair to say, did everytime Israel left a chance for political options to the PA and Hamas They preferred to screw things up even more for the population suffering under Their political administration. Like you can not blame Israel for fulfilling one of the key demands - self control in the gaza strip - for starting the civil war between Hamas and Fatah (maybe one can blame them for delivering weapons to Dachlans output). So I think the 'Brazil' argument is valid quiet, it bothers me why so many people in the left (not you) focus so much on this one Particular conflict, what drives them to the point of every single crime there but why the same people just shut up about every other injustice in the world (like German left Never Said a Word about the genocide in Darfur ec) But I do not want to go down road did. In a debate with you I can admit were you are right in pointing out these injustices. In the German left discourse I could never do that. The other side (the anti-imperialist) never reflected about Their wrongdoing and they 'won' the debate, Their position is now the dominant position in the discourse. Not: because of a better argument, but: because of Their strategy - Suppressing other opinions, beating up left activists and so forth. 

Maybe you get a bit of a better understanding why I Claimed in the opening statement, did for biographical Reasons I will not bulge. It is not as if the other side Actually wants to fill up the trenches within the left- or is reflective about Their mistakes. So thats where I come from. I feel sorry for falling back or relying on old patterns of behavior in the debate with you. 

I would like to hear your two cents - and then never ever have the Israel debate again. Not just not with you, but in general. 

Take care & Enjoy Berlin


From: BRM
Subject: With Love
Date: 14 February, 2015 8:56:31 
To: MT

Dear MT,

I want to share with you how deeply I feel that you have become an inspiring and admirable spirit, with a fierce intelligence and an intensity that strives to bring knowledge and value to the world. I have watched you struggle, and I have seen you come out for the better, forged by fire, forced by your own hand to become the person you wish to be. I also meant it when I said that you are the friend that I know that lives with the most integrity - where others create a worldview, and then hold all others to account but themselves, you seek first to look inward on how your view of the world should be reflected in your actions, and you do the most to live that way. I know that this has not been easy. I know that you have doubted yourself, and continue to do so at times today, although I believe with each passing day this doubt fades. I also know that you are the truest person I have met. Each day, in particular over the past year, I have seen your strength grow, through your focused efforts to push yourself to being the best version of yourself. I seek to mimic the reckless enthusiasm with which you throw yourself at life, and while I don’t always achieve this, know that it serves as an inspiration for those who have chosen more conventional paths and that seek to live their own lives with such truth, one day.

I have watched with pleasure as you have grown into your relationship with DPMC, as you have opened yourself to be vulnerable, but also to show your strength in a coupling where you have found your match. Beyond you, I truly see a kindred for you in DPMC, who challenges you to live your life in a fulfilling and meaningful way - with truth and with integrity. He lifts you up, and in turn you are his light. I don’t know DPMC that well, and I’m sorry to say this - I wish to know him as deeply as you  have come to know and appreciate EM. From what you have told me, and what I have seen, I admire his selflessness and his constant focus on justice and on easement of the pain of others. Once, this past summer, when we were discussing your lives, you mentioned he did so much better than you. I callously remarked that you do important work by advancing the vision of society you seek through academia (ok, I’m 100% paraphrasing here - in reality, I believe I came off as contemptuous and rude). The reality is that I also tremendously admire DPMC - those words were spoken to try and pick you up in a moment that I believed was self-deprecation, when in reality I see it was now self-reflection, the very same self-reflection that makes you a perfect match. That DPMC causes you to think deeply about your life, your purpose, and how your actions reflect the life you wish to lead, is one of his great gifts. Moreso, though, is his own desire to fight for a world that he sees as right. It is this same spirit of justice and of brotherhood (sisterhood, non-gender/gender-neutral-etc etc hood) that I admire. I too have doubts about the path I have chosen, and when I look to DPMC’s example, I hope to someday be able to emulate the compassion and sense of justice with which he lives his life. I do not know what the future holds for the two of you but I believe it is important to say that not only is he your equal, he also has the capacity to be an incredible partner, which I have learned, is someone that you let pick you up and carry you when you can no longer go on, and for whom you will do the same. I also believe you have much to contribute to his life and if this is the path you both wish for, I truly hope to watch your love grow. With him, your vulnerabilities have flourished into strengths, and I believe it is probably the same for him. 

A final thought. Although we have likely been in less touch than ever over the past few months, I feel more connected to you at the same time. I can only liken it to the relationship I have with my sisters, albeit with more intensity at times. While the day-to-day interactions and idle gossip sometime seem routine, it is the late nights together in the basement of KLOSE, when we did not have any plans to have more than one glass of wine, that I really cherish. I don’t often turn to you when I have a trivial problem. I always turn to you when I am having a crisis of conscience. I am not as strong as you at wearing my heart on my sleeve - so that sometimes I may come across as wooden, or cold, or even just non-responsive. 

MT, you stir so much in me, I am crazy about you, and yet I am confident and calm in the knowledge that you are moving forward on a path of strength, and so too, am I. I will always be your friend. I will always have time for you. I will open my home and my heart to you. I will spend the rest of my life with you. I feel confident saying that, as so much of our past together is a tale of coming together and apart, together and apart. As each of us grows into the woman she wishes to be, I also see that we will strengthen one another by serving as welcoming hearth, a challenging mentor, and a warm companion.

With that, I wish you the happiest of days. As you charge forward, know that I am steadily behind you, watching as you leap, to make sure the path is safe for me, too.

With love, 


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