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Corrected scholarship application

CHAIR  <CHAIR@the.college.com> Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 10:34 AM
To: Bloke <bloke@the.gollege.com>
Cc: advisor


Here are my comments on your funding application.

The first thing that occurs to me is that this statement isn't altogether clear about what you intend to do. That is, how does your theoretical orientation and your methodology inform your analysis? It also does not help that you begin your plan of study with a series of questions. The first question posed is in the opening sentence and it is particularly awkward and would put off any reader. I think you need to rework the way that this plan of study is presented.

Are you able to complete the following sentences?

“My central research question is
“The planned doctoral thesis will be theoretically informed by
“My chosen method of investigation is
"My analytic approach and methodology therefore follow from my theoretical orientation in that
“What is missing from the literature and that my proposed doctoral studies will address is
“My object of analysis/case studies have been selected because
“In the end, what I hope to the proposed thesis will contribute to knowledge is a better understanding of

Your final paragraph is a bit weak. I would suggest you phrase it in the following way: “under the proposed direction of Great Supervisor I therefore intend toThe PhD program in awesome studies at The College is an ideal setting for this scholarship because

In the end, I think this is a worthwhile endeavor but it's not presented in a way that allows the reader to get behind the project. Primarily because it is not altogether clear how you intend to go about doing your research, what your research will offer the literature, nor how your findings will inform further theoretical considerations.


PhD bloke <bloke@the.college.com> Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 10:03 PM
To: chair@carleton.ca


As followup to our brief conversation outside our building  this afternoon, I thought I would forward an UPDATED version of my proposal  for funding (see attached).

Much appreciated,
PhD bloke


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