From: BRM

Subject: With Love

Date: 14 February, 2015 8:56:31 

To: MT

Dear MT,

I want to share with you how deeply I feel that you have become an inspiring and admirable spirit, with a fierce intelligence and an intensity that strives to bring knowledge and value to the world. I have watched you struggle, and I have seen you come out for the better, forged by fire, forced by your own hand to become the person you wish to be. I also meant it when I said that you are the friend that I know that lives with the most integrity - where others create a worldview, and then hold all others to account but themselves, you seek first to look inward on how your view of the world should be reflected in your actions, and you do the most to live that way. I know that this has not been easy. I know that you have doubted yourself, and continue to do so at times today, although I believe with each passing day this doubt fades. I also know that you are the truest person I have met. Each day, in particular over the past year, I have seen your strength grow, through your focused efforts to push yourself to being the best version of yourself. I seek to mimic the reckless enthusiasm with which you throw yourself at life, and while I don’t always achieve this, know that it serves as an inspiration for those who have chosen more conventional paths and that seek to live their own lives with such truth, one day.

I have watched with pleasure as you have grown into your relationship with DPMC, as you have opened yourself to be vulnerable, but also to show your strength in a coupling where you have found your match. Beyond you, I truly see a kindred for you in DPMC, who challenges you to live your life in a fulfilling and meaningful way - with truth and with integrity. He lifts you up, and in turn you are his light. I don’t know DPMC that well, and I’m sorry to say this - I wish to know him as deeply as you  have come to know and appreciate EM. From what you have told me, and what I have seen, I admire his selflessness and his constant focus on justice and on easement of the pain of others. Once, this past summer, when we were discussing your lives, you mentioned he did so much better than you. I callously remarked that you do important work by advancing the vision of society you seek through academia (ok, I’m 100% paraphrasing here - in reality, I believe I came off as contemptuous and rude). The reality is that I also tremendously admire DPMC - those words were spoken to try and pick you up in a moment that I believed was self-deprecation, when in reality I see it was now self-reflection, the very same self-reflection that makes you a perfect match. That DPMC causes you to think deeply about your life, your purpose, and how your actions reflect the life you wish to lead, is one of his great gifts. Moreso, though, is his own desire to fight for a world that he sees as right. It is this same spirit of justice and of brotherhood (sisterhood, non-gender/gender-neutral-etc etc hood) that I admire. I too have doubts about the path I have chosen, and when I look to DPMC’s example, I hope to someday be able to emulate the compassion and sense of justice with which he lives his life. I do not know what the future holds for the two of you but I believe it is important to say that not only is he your equal, he also has the capacity to be an incredible partner, which I have learned, is someone that you let pick you up and carry you when you can no longer go on, and for whom you will do the same. I also believe you have much to contribute to his life and if this is the path you both wish for, I truly hope to watch your love grow. With him, your vulnerabilities have flourished into strengths, and I believe it is probably the same for him. 

A final thought. Although we have likely been in less touch than ever over the past few months, I feel more connected to you at the same time. I can only liken it to the relationship I have with my sisters, albeit with more intensity at times. While the day-to-day interactions and idle gossip sometime seem routine, it is the late nights together in the basement of KLOSE, when we did not have any plans to have more than one glass of wine, that I really cherish. I don’t often turn to you when I have a trivial problem. I always turn to you when I am having a crisis of conscience. I am not as strong as you at wearing my heart on my sleeve - so that sometimes I may come across as wooden, or cold, or even just non-responsive. 

MT, you stir so much in me, I am crazy about you, and yet I am confident and calm in the knowledge that you are moving forward on a path of strength, and so too, am I. I will always be your friend. I will always have time for you. I will open my home and my heart to you. I will spend the rest of my life with you. I feel confident saying that, as so much of our past together is a tale of coming together and apart, together and apart. As each of us grows into the woman she wishes to be, I also see that we will strengthen one another by serving as welcoming hearth, a challenging mentor, and a warm companion.

With that, I wish you the happiest of days. As you charge forward, know that I am steadily behind you, watching as you leap, to make sure the path is safe for me, too.

With love, 

VRM